24 Things I’ve Learned in Twenty-Four Years of Life

People say your 20s are your selfish years. You learn to be selfish with your time, your energy, and your space. It doesn’t mean to feel that the world revolves around you, but it is the time for you to become a better you for the years to come. No, I’m not finished with my 20s but here’s some things that I have learned in the 24 (almost quarter of a century) years of life. Keep in mind, these are in no specific order, but all very relevant to life.

1. Everybody does not have the same heart as you.

That's it. That’s the verbiage verbatim. 

What I realized is everybody is raised differently. Some people are raised on love, others raised on survival. Regardless, everybody doesn’t have the same heart and feel emotions the same way you feel in that present moment. 

2. Energies DO matter.

We exchange energy with others in various ways from interactions such as phone calls, texts, talking to even sex. Who you allow in your space has an effect on how you move daily because like I said, energies do transfer. 

Protect yourself from feeling drained, giving yourself to someone with feelings and actions not being reciprocated. Aht aht. Protect yourself from the people in your inner circle who want to do this and do that with their business and personal goals but laying around not doing anything or even pushing themselves to go harder everyday. That energy will transfer right to you and you’ll be sitting there looking crazy. LEAVE. IT. ALONE.

3. Trusting your gut feeling is a thing. 

We all have that first instinct. Sometimes we brush it off and sometimes we pay attention to it. What I’ve learned is that when you feel a certain way about something and have that feeling in your gut, PAY ATTENTION. 

4. Everybody is not your friend.

Read it again: EVERYBODY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. I have seen someone who called another person their “friend” and talk about them to someone else who doesn't know them from a can of paint. I have witnessed a friendship one day and then WHOOSH! Casper. Don’t get me wrong, some things happen for a reason and some people are placed in your life for a season. The time that you had together has come to an end. But know that everyone you encounter, you do not need to entrust them with a friendship or even let in to create a bond. It’s okay, boo. 

5. PUT YOURSELF FIRST.

We speak a lot about self-love and self-care but when I promise you, it is SO important. When going through life, we tend to push things to the back end that deserve our attention. For instance, your mental health deserves attention just as much as your physical. As much time as you spend on making sure your appearance on the outside is poppin’, make sure you work on yourself within.

6. People, especially black men, can change.

Now I learned this one, personally. For a long time I felt like how every other black woman felt: 

But in reality, they definitely can change. Trust me, it definitely takes time and growth but it will happen. When they are ready for change, it will come.

7. Find your purpose.

Saying this sounds so fluid like it is the easiest thing to do, but you really have to make time to actually get to know YOU so you know your personal power. Knowing what you are actually here on this Earth to do.

8. Figure out what matters most.

My sister said this to me after I graduated college before she went off to bootcamp. Always remember the monetary value is less important than your reason why. Is family important for you? Your spiritual relationship growth? What mark will you leave on Earth? The money is going to come but we have to know what means the most to us so whatever it may be, figure it out.

9. Pouring into someone doesn’t make them love you anymore than they already do.

I used to think that doing something that was never asked would add just a sprinkle more love on top of what they already felt for me.

NO.

And men will tell you, too: “I never asked you to.” "You did that 'cause you wanted to."

So to save the crinkles of heartbreak, learn to not give too much. 

10. Read more.

Growing up, I used to read books a lot. My mama still tells the story how I hated turning in my library books and she used to have to find them hiding in my rough tote bin or under my bed.

As we get older, we get caught up in binge watching our favorite shows or scrolling on our social media feeds and we feel like we don’t have enough time to improve our literacy. Make time. We are now in the progressive technological times where not only are books available as hard copies but digital and audio books.

There’s a saying: “Want to hide something from African-Americans? Put it in a book.” We may not be enslaved physically, but if we do not start reading more we will remain fucked up mentally. 

11. STFU!

Harsh right? I know, I know. But like I said this list is 24 things that I’ve learned in MY 24 (almost 25) years of living. And knowing something about myself, when some things are often soft spoken to me I don't receive it. I can jokingly say “Shut Up” and it be a-ki-ki. But what I have learned is that I really sometimes have to STFU! 

I’m a very vocal person yet I’ve learned every action doesn’t need a reaction. I had a habit of wanting to have the last say, clapback or even reiterate what was said just so I can state my reasoning or validation of why it was wrong or unagreeable. I’ve learned that you really have to just listen. Just shut up and listen. 

12. Love will find you and it will show.

I’ve recently learned that love is hard but love does not have to be 300 meter hurdles then immediately doing pole vaults. Those aren’t the ups and downs I’m talking about. Yes, there are ups and downs and you will be tested in your love. But everything that you and your partner goes through doesn’t have to feel like those standardized tests they used to give us as kids, wanting to know what we learned the WHOLE year but focusing on stuff that was BC (before Christmas break). You will know when someone loves you because it will show through actions. Period. 

13. Forgive Yourself.

Unpopular Opinion: Forgiving yourself is a part of healing.

We love to discuss how we should be forgiving and have an open heart towards others. But...

Have one with ya self. Be gentle with yourself. Okay? Take time to just forgive yourself for personally putting yourself through rodeo stunts that you could have avoided but didn’t. Identify where you screwed up, be accountable for it, feel those emotions, and correct your actions for if there is a next time you encounter the same problematic behavior. Good news is: baby, ya learned from it and you got through it.

14. Set boundaries.

It is important to not only set boundaries with yourself but for others.

Set boundaries, put that phone on DND! That's my boundary. You may feel as if you have direct contact with me because you see me engaging on the web but don’t try to call me, you will go to voicemail.

That’s just my way of being available with limits. 

15. Be thankful.

Even with the COVID-19 pandemic going on, government reopening outside way too soon, and people not social distancing properly, just being able to simply open your eyes in the morning shows that we have a lot to be thankful for. Give thanks because a substantial amount of people that are gone too soon didn't get the same chance we did in this present moment. 

16. You can do anything you put your mind to.

In our generation, sometimes it feels the markets in our perspective space are oversaturated. Some wait to actually take the leap of faith to start doing makeup, begin DJing, record those videos for that YouTube channel, or even as of recently “too many people selling CBD products”. Whatever it is that you see yourself doing, you can do it. You want to break the chain and create generational wealth for you and those to come after you, you can do it! Take the time to learn what it is but don’t wait too long that you fail to actually start.

17. Don’t contemplate forever.

I had a bad habit of sitting in my thoughts and contemplating the Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda’s. 

It takes us back to #13, you have to take that time to identify where it went wrong, be responsible for it, feel, and correct it. You drive yourself crazy sitting, running back different scenarios to make sense of everything that happened in the past. If it happened yesterday, it’s in the past. Press on and get yourself ready for the now and future.

18. Learn your love languages.

Your love languages are important not only in relationships but friendships as well as how you treat yourself. There are 5 types of love languages: 

1. Receiving gifts.

2. Quality Time.

3. Words of affirmation. 

4. Acts of service.

5. Physical touch.

When you take the time to learn yourself, it will align and you can actually be able to verbally express what they are to your partner so they don't have to play Taboo and guess what you like.

19. Do what makes YOU happy.

Growing up, I know we do things such as choose career paths that our parents want us to do, even wear the clothes or supporting the politician that someone has influenced us to. Honestly, if that's not what you want to do, don’t do it. We’re growing into the age of being grown-grown but that also means we have to have a mind for ourselves. 

It’s okay to have an opposite opinion or belief about things. If you’re happier dumping your full-time job working for a corporation to start your own business selling crab trays and honey drippers (or frozen cups, depending on where you from 🌚) DO YOUR THING.

20.  Learn what you will and will NOT put up with.

NOW THIS.

This is something that I had to learn. There was once a time, I would put up with certain stuff not because I didn’t care. I guess it just didn’t matter as much to me. But when you actually learn what you will and will not put up with it actually is the guide to a lot of things that you’re presented with in the future. For instance, encounters with people, moving forward with having a bond with someone you care for and especially how you’re treated by others. When we put up with bullshit, people think that’s what they’re going to give you and lemme just tell you…

Put ya foot down. Let people know wassup from jump.

21. Evolve.

As a human, I believe we are here to evolve. Personally, I don’t think you should be content in doing the same things you were doing years ago especially if life is moving around you. If my mindset was the same from 2015 when I first went off to college to 2020 post grad, I --- 

I’ve learned that you're supposed to evolve through time. And that’s that.

22. Discipline yourself.

Now this one might seem kind of second nature to some, but if you’re like me, I never knew how important it was to discipline yourself. Learning to actually have self-discipline is so critical to growth in every aspect of your life.

For instance, you’re wanting to crush those body goals that you have yet inhaling a 10 piece hot lemon pepper wing combo, extra wet, extra crispy AND scarfing down tequila margaritas because BOGO at Happy Hour. No. Sometimes you have to just say NO. In the words of my brother Josh, #KickYourOwnAss. Change that diet up, get out and get the workouts in, drink your water and mind your business.

There were things that I saw myself doing (such as this website here!) and would sit and wonder how I could get it started. I realized that me sitting and wondering about it wasn’t putting the proper actions behind it. No one is able to work your dream for you but you.

23. Learn your family history.

We grow up wondering where we get certain characteristics from and majority of the time, it’s common actions that even your grandparents’ grandparents were doing! From toxic behaviors, traumatic ways, addictions, and even how you interact with people, it can be in your bloodline. 

In this day and age, we want to break generational traumas and curses but only think it's monetary. Thinking we only should change the game in how our finances look but I recommend looking inside and fixing mental health and reacting to anguish in ways we know for them to be handled. Creating generational wealth can also be fixing the deep rooted issues that no one took the time to actually mend.

24. Everything is a part of your process.

The good. The bad. The ugly. The ups and downs. EVERYTHING.

You’ll have accomplishments and you’ll also fuck up bad. 

You will lose shit. Your crib, your money, your sanity, your man, your closest homies, different things. And there will be times you want to give up, thinking you aren’t as strong as you thought you were, ready to throw the towel in completely. But know that it is all a part of your process. God never puts you through anything that you can’t handle and that isn’t aligned with your why. Someone told me you got to go through it to do that exactly, get through it!

Well there you have it cool cats and kittens, take something away from this and comment something you've learned in your time!